I walked in the darkness for 42 years. I was saved and baptized at the age of 9, but right after that, I was sexually abused. I spent the next 42 years with this secret, in denial, friendless, ashamed, guilty (like it was my fault). On the inside, this was the real me; I was one living, breathing scar.
On the outside, I looked a whole lot different. I looked normal, a fun-loving child, friends, passing grades, and “TRUSTING”. But that wasn’t the case; I was not normal. I was friendless and completely untrusting. I wanted to be normal so bad that I got married and we had a son.
But how could I be a husband and father, if I couldn’t be friends, trust, or even love them? We allowed drugs into our lives, mainly crack cocaine. This was in the 80s, and what we thought was socially acceptable soon destroyed our marriage. Within a few years, I went to prison for the first time in 1989.
I was still that nine-year-old running away from God. I ran away from God, into the prison system, which saved my life. Over the next thirty years, I spent all but twenty-one months inside the fence. I made my home there; I didn’t have to act like I had friends. I was brutally honest inside. The code is that I didn’t come here to make friends, and I came by myself and will leave by myself, which I lived by until November 23, 2016.
That is when God Supernaturally, by His grace and mercy, finally got my attention. I was on a suicide wing in South Florida, where it was nice and quiet; I was finishing a nine-day starvation. God had already shown me that I had a problem (a scar), one that had happened so long ago, one that I had forgotten years ago. I had buried this abuse so deep that it wasn’t even a memory.
The last nine years haven’t been easy. God forgave me and transformed my heart right then and there. But when you have been brainwashed and listened to the devil for so many years, it takes time to grow and mature. I believe this is only possible with the help of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 19:26 But with God all things are possible.
I spent most of the last seven years with St. Matthew's House in Southwest Florida. Learning about the program and working within it. Giving back what they freely and lovingly gave me. In May, I felt the urging from the Holy Spirit to leave my home, St. Matthew’s House, my comfort zone, and to move to Kentucky.
I was obedient to the Lord. God led me to Noah’s Kitchen at the same time they opened their doors. God has led me to Southeast Christian Church. I live a few blocks from my work. I want to be obedient to Matthew 25:35-36. I want to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the strangers, clothe the naked, visit the sick, and the ones in prison (where I was).
On the outside, I looked a whole lot different. I looked normal, a fun-loving child, friends, passing grades, and “TRUSTING”. But that wasn’t the case; I was not normal. I was friendless and completely untrusting. I wanted to be normal so bad that I got married and we had a son.
But how could I be a husband and father, if I couldn’t be friends, trust, or even love them? We allowed drugs into our lives, mainly crack cocaine. This was in the 80s, and what we thought was socially acceptable soon destroyed our marriage. Within a few years, I went to prison for the first time in 1989.
I was still that nine-year-old running away from God. I ran away from God, into the prison system, which saved my life. Over the next thirty years, I spent all but twenty-one months inside the fence. I made my home there; I didn’t have to act like I had friends. I was brutally honest inside. The code is that I didn’t come here to make friends, and I came by myself and will leave by myself, which I lived by until November 23, 2016.
That is when God Supernaturally, by His grace and mercy, finally got my attention. I was on a suicide wing in South Florida, where it was nice and quiet; I was finishing a nine-day starvation. God had already shown me that I had a problem (a scar), one that had happened so long ago, one that I had forgotten years ago. I had buried this abuse so deep that it wasn’t even a memory.
The last nine years haven’t been easy. God forgave me and transformed my heart right then and there. But when you have been brainwashed and listened to the devil for so many years, it takes time to grow and mature. I believe this is only possible with the help of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 19:26 But with God all things are possible.
I spent most of the last seven years with St. Matthew's House in Southwest Florida. Learning about the program and working within it. Giving back what they freely and lovingly gave me. In May, I felt the urging from the Holy Spirit to leave my home, St. Matthew’s House, my comfort zone, and to move to Kentucky.
I was obedient to the Lord. God led me to Noah’s Kitchen at the same time they opened their doors. God has led me to Southeast Christian Church. I live a few blocks from my work. I want to be obedient to Matthew 25:35-36. I want to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the strangers, clothe the naked, visit the sick, and the ones in prison (where I was).